Best BJ Tips That Actually Matter

Most "blowjob tips" articles are either too vague to be useful or read like they were written by someone who's never actually had sex.

This one's different. Practical advice, no filler, focused on what actually makes the experience better for both of you.

Communication Is Everything

This is the single most important factor, and most guides gloss over it.

Talk before, during, and after. About what feels good. What doesn't. What you want to try. How you're both feeling. Whether the pace is right. Whether you want more or less of something. Try making it "academic" — treat it like a research experiment where you're working together to discover the best blowjob ever, or the most enjoyable experience for both of you. Take notes (mental or literal). Try things. Report back. Iterate.

If talking during the act feels awkward, come up with hand signals. The receiver can squeeze your hand harder or softer to signal "more" or "less," "faster" or "slower." Simple, effective, no interruption.

Learning what works can be done like an eye exam — sometimes it's hard to put into words what's feeling good. So just do something and call it version A. Then do something slightly different and call it version B. Ask which is better. Keep doing that again and again. You'll zero in on what works without anyone having to articulate it perfectly.

And after: check in. What worked? What do you want more of next time? This feedback loop is how you get genuinely good at this — not by memorizing techniques from the internet.

You Have to Actually Want to Be There

Enthusiasm isn't a nice-to-have. It's the foundation.

If you're not into it, he can tell. And if giving head feels like a chore, you'll start avoiding it — which isn't good for anyone.

So: figure out what makes it enjoyable for you. That might mean:

• Making sure he's clean and well-groomed. If hygiene or smell is an issue, address it directly. Take a shower together beforehand. Buy him a nice body wash or grooming kit. Tell him you think it's sexy when he's trimmed up. Make it part of the foreplay, not a critique.
• Finding positions that are comfortable for your body. Neck cramps and jaw pain kill enthusiasm fast.
• Getting off first. Ask him to get you off before you go down on him — it'll get you excited and in the mood. There are sexy ways to ask: "I wanna blow you so bad but I desperately need you to get me off first" or "I want you to show me how badly you want me before I blow you. Go down on me."
• Touching yourself while you do it. Masturbating while giving head is hot for both of you. It keeps you aroused and engaged, and he gets to watch. Don't wait for an invitation — just start. Unless your partner is a loser or you have a very specific dom/sub dynamic going, he'll find it super fucking hot.
• Stopping if it becomes unpleasant. If you push through discomfort repeatedly, you'll train yourself to dread it. Find techniques that let you enjoy the act so you actually want to do it again. If you need to stop, explain why — men tend to be logic-based, and if you tell him "I love you and I'm into you but I'm not having the world's best ever BJ experience this exact moment, so I think it's smart to pause for now so I don't accidentally train myself to hate blowjobs," he'll get it.

Be Extremely Sloppy

Use a lot of spit. Let it get messy. That thick saliva that builds up when you get close to gagging is the really good stuff because it's thicker and provides more lubrication.

The sounds and visuals of a messy blowjob are a huge turn-on for most receivers.

If there's a lot of spit, consider asking if he wants to rub it all over your face and body. That can be super fun for both of you, especially if you're less dominant than him. But even if you WERE the more dominant one, you can demand that he rubs it on you.

Vary Your Technique

Monotony gets boring — for both of you.

Mix it up:

• Mouth only — focusing on sensation, tongue work
• Hands and mouth together — your hand becomes an extension of your mouth, covering more of the shaft
• Hands only — gives your mouth a break while maintaining contact and stimulation

When using your hands, try the wrist twist: rotate your wrist as you move up and down while your mouth focuses on the head. Experiment with grip pressure — firm but not a death grip.

A fun hand trick: Hold the shaft with one hand, and use the flat palm of your other hand to rub in small circles on the head of his penis. This makes the head insanely sensitive. It feels especially good if you then take him super deep right after.

On suction: Don't worry too much about it, and tbh you can assume it doesn't matter that much. Or just test and ask your partner what's working.

Show Him You Want It

Small physical cues that signal enthusiasm go a long way.

Pull him into you. Grip behind his thighs and pull him closer. This is insanely hot and lets him know you want more of him.

Let him set the pace (if you're into it). If you're more submissive or just want to give him control, let him fuck your face. This requires trust and communication — start slow and establish a signal for "stop" or "slow down." A firm double-tap from you works well.

If you like it rough: Ask him to hold your hair tightly, or firmly hold your face or neck. You can also try lying on your back with your head hanging off the edge of the bed and having him fuck your face from above. Start gently — this position gives him a lot of control, so build up to intensity gradually.

Focus on the Sensitive Spots

The entire penis is not equally sensitive. Pay attention to:

• The frenulum — the underside of the head where it meets the shaft. Packed with nerve endings. Use the tip of your tongue here.
• The head (glans) — especially the rim where it meets the shaft
• The balls — cup them, massage them gently, lick them if he's into it. Ask first — some guys are sensitive in a bad way.
• The perineum (gooch) — the area between balls and anus. Pressure here indirectly stimulates the prostate.
• The ass — if you're both comfortable: lick it, hold a finger there, use a plug, learn about prostate stimulation. This isn't for everyone, but for those who are into it, it's a game-changer. Always ask.

Try "Warming"

This one's underrated: just hold his cock in your mouth.

No movement, no sucking — just the warmth and wetness of your mouth surrounding him. It's intimate, it builds anticipation, and it gives you a break while still providing sensation.

Great for starting slow or for pausing mid-act without breaking contact.

If you're wanting a break, you can pause and tell him you want to just hold him in your mouth and see how long he can last before he loses his mind. It's a hot way to give yourself a rest while keeping the pleasure going for him — and it'll show you just how crazy you're driving him, because honestly, he won't last long.

Eye Contact

Glancing up and making eye contact while his cock is in your mouth is incredibly intimate (and hot).

You don't have to maintain it the whole time — that's intense and possibly uncomfortable. But a few moments of eye contact, especially at key moments, adds a layer of connection that pure technique can't match.

Control Your Pace

Ask him what he wants. Some guys want it fast, some want it slow, some want you to build gradually.

General guidance:

• Start slow. Tease. Build arousal. Don't dive in at full speed.
• Build intensity over time. Escalate as he gets more aroused.
• Consistency matters for finishing. When he's close, find a rhythm and stick with it — switching things up right at the end can be frustrating.

His erection may ebb and flow throughout. That's normal and doesn't mean anything's wrong.

Try Different Positions

The standard setup (him lying back, you between his legs) works fine, but it's not your only option.

69 is worth trying — the angle of the penis and mouth align well, and you both get stimulation. It can also be more comfortable for your neck.

Him standing, you kneeling changes the power dynamic and gives him a different visual.

Side-by-side can be more comfortable for longer sessions.

Edge of the bed (him sitting or lying with legs off the edge, you kneeling on the floor) gives you good access and control.

You on your back, head off the edge — as mentioned above, this gives him control and a unique angle. Start gentle.

Experiment. Different positions work better for different bodies.

On Finishing

Spitting is fine. Don't be afraid to spit, and your partner is an asshole if that's not acceptable to them. Giving head is a generous act, and nobody should be made to swallow — some people find it disgusting, and that's valid.

Maybe you love his cum but don't want to swallow — you'd rather rub it on yourself. That's hot too, and it's a great way to get out of swallowing if that's not your thing. Give it a shot.

If you do enjoy swallowing, you can really play it up: show him what's in your mouth, or play with it and him together for a bit before swallowing.

After he finishes: Continuing to suck or play with the head after he comes can be insanely intense. Some guys love it, some find it too sensitive. Ask, or just try it and pay attention to his reaction.

Managing the Gag Reflex

For some people, the gag reflex is a non-issue. For others, it's the main barrier to enjoying oral sex.

A few things to know:

• You don't have to deepthroat to give great head. It's a bonus, not a requirement. Most of the sensation is in the head and upper shaft anyway.
• If you start gagging, it can be hard to stop. Some people find that once the reflex triggers, it keeps firing. If that's you, stay in the zone where you're comfortable rather than pushing too far.
• Breathing through your nose helps. It keeps your airway calmer and reduces the panic response.
• You can train your gag reflex over time. Gradual desensitization works for many people. See our full guide: [How to Stop Your Gag Reflex].
• Products exist that can help. Numbing sprays work but have trade-offs (short duration, numbs your partner too). Salt and citric acid-based options work differently and last longer without numbing. Check our website for more info.

What Doesn't Matter (Or Is Overblown)

Porn-style performance. Real sex doesn't look like porn. You don't need to moan performatively or contort yourself into uncomfortable positions.

"Secret techniques" that work on everyone. Everyone's different. What drives one guy wild might do nothing for another. That's why communication matters more than any specific trick.

Deepthroating as a requirement. It's impressive, sure. But plenty of people give incredible head without ever taking him all the way down. Don't let it become a source of anxiety.

Key Takeaways

• Communication is everything — before, during, after. Treat it like a research experiment. Use the "eye exam" method to figure out what works. Use hand signals if talking is awkward.
• Enthusiasm is the foundation — make it enjoyable for yourself so you actually want to do it. Get off first if that helps.
• Be sloppy — wetter is better, let it get messy
• Vary your technique — mouth, hands, or both; change it up
• Show him you want it — pull him into you, let him take control if you're into it
• Hit the sensitive spots — frenulum, head, balls, perineum, and (if welcome) the ass
• Try warming — just holding him in your mouth is underrated
• Eye contact — intimate and hot
• Experiment with positions — 69, standing, edge of bed, head hanging off the bed, etc.
• Finishing — spit if you want to, rub it on yourself if that's your thing, and try continuing stimulation after he comes
• Manage your gag reflex — breathe through your nose, stay in your comfort zone, or use a product that helps

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